SEVEN

-7-

Have you ever read Howard Zimm’s A People’s History of the United States? He’s this great author that anyone’s rarely heard of. He, for example, takes the entire Christopher Columbus bullshit and turns it on its head. We’ve all hard the little song, “In fourteen hundred and ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.” Well, he did sail the ocean blue and he brought with him disease and pestilence. That man wasn’t a big hero, as we learned in elementary school. Sure, we learn in history books in Junior High and High School that it was a big mistake. Columbus was looking for India and simply stumbled onto this great land now known as America, but nothing goes as in depth into Columbus as Zimm does. Columbus, as it turns out, was a great asshole that nearly led to the annihilation of the Native American. I guess in a way Columbus did discover America, but to me, it’s hard to discover something that’s already there.

Point being, what you’re getting from me is the version of my history as told by Howard Zimm. You’re not getting the cookie cutter, playground version. This is the real thing, good and bad. Why sugar coat it? Life is not all roses and fluffy bunny rabbits, now is it? I wish it was, but it’s not, okay?

Sure, I talk about not having sex a lot, that’s my history so far, but with it eventually comes the having of sex a lot. Me and my wife sure did. I guess I should say ex-wife, but that’s for later. Right now, I would like to talk about sex, baby. I want to talk about all the good things sex can be. Sorry about that. I sometimes get distracted by lyrics from 90’s pop songs.

We have made sex too taboo in this day age, and despite all of the reality shows that seemingly center on booze and sex. The idea of it being taboo is funny because more and more people are doing it and at doing it at a younger age. Considering the amount of porn websites that are out there, it’s a wonder people even get anything done at all. Don’t even get me started on these sixteen and seventeen year old girls that are portrayed as role models and parade around doing ridiculously grown up things (I’m looking at you Miley Cyrus.) Their images filter down to the twelve and thirteen year old girls that mimic their idols every move. I know when I was thirteen, girls did not dress like that. If they did, I would have had even more trouble controlling my newly discovered hormones. Parents should not let their kids of the house dressed and looking like Britney Spears. It’s just not right.

I’m sure the argument has been had throughout the history of time. Maybe it’s just more prevalent now with the influx of multimedia and the oversaturation of pop culture. I got my sexual fantasies from Victoria’s secrets catalogs and the Sunday newspaper ads for JC Penney. Sure, when I turned eighteen I got a Playboy magazine, but who didn’t? Nowadays, the Victoria’s Secrets Ads come on during football and the girls from Playboy have their own show. Hell, most kids probably live out their fantasies from pictures on any given social networking site. Sex is everywhere and it’s time for people to admit that.

I sure have. I look at porn. Maybe it’s a problem, who knows, but it’s a joy in life. I was raised to wait for sex until marriage, its part of being Catholic, and maybe that’s why I enjoy it so much now. And it’s why I pursued it so much in my early college years. Most people that I knew at that point in life had participated in the act, and part of me just wanted to join the crowd. Or, simply put, I was just a man who wanted sex. It’s debatable, yes. In the end, it’s still a person’s right and they shouldn’t be looked down upon if they choose to have sex, look at porn, or wait until the sacred institution of marriage to indulge in fantasies that all people have. Some are just afraid to admit it and instead channel their frustration to admonish society.

I’m lonely now. I don’t find the same thrill in one night stands and drunken hook-ups. Yes, I still engage in such activities, but it’s hard to take a girl back to my parents’ house. It’s a turn off, I suppose, but I just can’t do it. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t get a girl in high school. I didn’t want to do anything in my parents’ house. And maybe that’s why my parents did a good job of raising me and I subsequently wanted to rise against that. Was it a sheltered life? Yes, but as good parents do, they only wanted to protect me and help me not to make stupid choices. They knew that having a kid while in high school is not the best route to take. I certainly didn’t want any little Timmy’s running around.

Did you know that some high schools have Virgin Clubs now? Kids sign these contracts and other documents stating that they won’t have sex until they are married. Or until Prom, I’m not really sure. Can you imagine if they a sex club? The kids could wear tee shirts that say “I’m a slut and proud of it” or “Last night I did it in my girlfriend’s car”. The students are allowed to proclaim their virginity through messages on their shirts, so why can’t the kids who have had sex proclaim their status as well? It seems only fair.

I’m no expert on the situation. I just feel that everyone needs to relax. We obviously don’t want society suddenly to be hit with a population explosion. We should allow sex education continue to grow and expand. Inform the kids instead of keeping them away from information. Tell them about putting on a condom, tell them about birth control, and of course, warn them of STD’s. Put the choice in their hands. I say this now, but I could change my mind if I ever have kids. Everything changes once you become a parent, or so I’ve heard.

I’m still lost in the world of sex. I’m lonely and can’t be cured. I’ve developed an insatiable appetite and seem to be never satisfied. I’m even gone as far as to read Kama Sutra books to help reach ultimate satisfaction. I’ve tried all sorts of Buddhist techniques on meditation to find my Chi and deliver balance. Nothing works. I’m a man constantly searching and not even my self destruction with sex helps. I am destined to travel these hollow roads with a chip on my shoulder and a need for pleasure.

That’s why I talk about sex. People are afraid to talk and I’m afraid of not having it. That’s why it is part of my history, part of my need to talk to you. I need to put it all on the line and give you the full honest truth. Why else do we live? It is to enjoy the small, minute things in life that people are otherwise afraid to talk about. Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. The things that make celebrities stand out, and the same very things that show me as a deviant. And if our whore mongering ex-president won’t talk about it, then I certainly will: S-E-X.